I often hear moms say "I struggle with how to do non-conflict training...I just don't know what to do or how to do it." Are you one of these moms? Well, not to fear -- hopefully this post will help give you some encouragement and send you on your way to do non conflict training in your own home, too!
The most easy and basic way to do non-conflict training is to look at the negative behaviors you see in your children and just teach them the correct way they need to be acting. And what a fun and easy way to teach them is by role playing! For example, I had a friend say she was struggling with self control with her two year old and how he would not sit still and wait his turn in Sabbath School. A great non conflict training time could be to role play Sabbath School at home. I suggested she set up some of his toy animals and have them do things in "Sabbath School" while her son waited his turn all the while talking to him about how it's important to wait our turn and what waiting our turn looks like in Sabbath School. I also suggested she teach and show her son what sitting still and waiting turns doesn't look like -- this way her son knows what is expected and what is not expected. (She did report back that he did so much better that week in Sabbath School sitting still and waiting his turn.)
My kids love role playing the way they are suppose to act and even more so the way they aren't suppose to act! ;-) We actually have a lot of fun with this! And yes, non conflict training should be FUN!!! My kids actually ask me if it's time for "training time" -- they enjoy it that much! It's great that role playing helps me truly see that my kids know the right way they are suppose to be acting and that they know the wrong way. Then there are no questions of "did they really know what I was expecting" when it comes to consequences for wrong behavior.
Another way to do non-conflict training is to just practice the expected behavior."Practice makes perfect" -- I'm sure all of you have heard this saying before and it is so true. Practice does make perfect. So what do I mean by practice? Well, does you child have a hard time folding their hands and getting self control when you tell them to do so? Well, have you ever practiced it? Does your child have a difficult time sitting still during worship or story time? Have you ever practiced it? Some of our training times have included just practicing certain behaviors. Things like sitting still and quiet, folding of hands, we've even just practiced walking vs running, talking quietly vs loudly, being kind vs being mean, sharing vs snatching, gentle vs rough.. Basically we just practice and talk about the virtue and what it looks like and we talk about what the opposing vice looks like. Again, this helps me know that my kids understand the meaning and expectation of a particular virtue.
One last way we have implemented non conflict training time in our house is through books and videos. I like looking for story books that tell stories on the behaviors we are working on -- one of our favorite stories right now is "Andrew's Angry Words". And guess what moms - if you can't find a particular book on the behavior you are working on you could always tell your own story with a book you already own! There is no rule saying you must read every word in a story book! But I have found several great story books out there with a simple google search on the internet. And never forgot the power of the stories already given to us in the Bible that teach many of the virtues we want our children to be learning. Also, there have been several videos that we have found that teach the virtues we are working on - Veggie Tales, Auto B Good, Character Builders, to name a few series.
Finally, I find it important to always share what the Bible has to say about the particular behavior we are working on. I read somewhere, like how using a timer keeps children from arguing with you as much when the time is off, that the same thing happens when you show them what God says about a particular behavior. If you just tell your kids, "hey, mommy wants you to be kind to your friends" they may challenge you on why they need to be kind. But if you say "hey kids, let's see what God tells us about being kind in the Bible" it's a bit harder to challenge the true Authority!
I hope this has given you some simple and easy ideas on implementing non conflict training in your home! It truly is a wonderful blessing and it really doesn't need to take too long to do. In some cases, our training time is only 5 or 10 minutes. And never underestimate God's wisdom He promises to give each and everyone of us! All we have to do is pray and ask for His wisdom and guidance for ours and our children's lives and He will help us see how to train our children in the ways they should go!
So here is a brief summary for non conflict training time:
T each your child the right way to behave
R ole play
A lways practice
I nstruct with what the Bible says
N ever forget to bring it to the Lord in prayer
Keep it simple and have FUN!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Friday, March 18, 2011
Accountable Kids
So I've been looking for a chore chart to use with my kids. I had several requirements, but mainly wanted something easy that even my kids could just do it on their own -- of course after teaching them expectations on how to do each chore. I also needed a chore chart that would provide an easy way to start allowing certain chores to be done to earn money. My 5 year old is starting to want specific things he sees and so I'm feeling now is a great time to start teaching the importance of earning money for the things we want (of course after tithing and savings...). A friend told me about this program called Accountable Kids. She actually started using it for her 2 boys and so I borrowed her book to read up on their program. I have to say, I was very excited about all the program had to offer. Not only did it help the kids know what chores they had to do (with pictures and words!), but it also taught the importance of doing work around the house just because you live there and also provided ways to do additional chores to earn money. (I only have this option set up for my 5 year old right now).
I'll write more on the program after we've used it for 30 days. This was our first week at it and I have to say what is really nice about this program is instead of saying "Owen did you make your bed this morning", I can just tell him to make sure he's checked his board. Being that this is the first week, there has been reminders for the kids to check their boards but as time progresses is the idea that kids will just do their chores without any prompting or reminding. What motivates them to do this, you may ask? Well for every section of chores they complete (morning, afternoon and evening) they come and get a "privilege ticket" that can be used for a predetermined list of privileges you have come up with. I have to say, this has significantly reduced TV time in our house since for us, if you don't have a ticket, you can't watch a show.
When I first got the kit, I hung it up in our kitchen and without ever saying anything to the kids about it, for the next 2 days my son made his bed without me even saying anything! Then this last Sunday we had the "formal" training (don't worry, they break it down in the book into 4 manageable sections to teach your kids how to use the program and then you move onto the other section once everyone is comfortable). The next morning, both my kids had gotten up and started on their chores right away. I didn't even say a word!
Anyway, you should go and check out the Accountable Kids video they have on posted on their website at www.accountablekids.com. Also come back to my blog and look for a few updates on how things are going for us. I have to say, my husband has been really impressed on how both of the kids seem to really enjoy doing their chores, moving their completed chores over, getting their tickets and redeeming them for privileges. Like their website says "Raising Accountable Kids has never been so much fun!" And I'm loving how it's taking the responsibility off of me and putting it on the kids -- where it belongs!
Go and watch the video and let me know what you think about the Accountable Kids program!
Teaching Self Control
I wanted to take some time this morning as my kids are running around playing outside to write about self control and ways to teach your toddler and preschool self control. I know I have encountered some mom's that have given me some strange looks while for example at the grocery store when I say to my almost getting out of control kids "you need to fold your hands and get some self control." I'm sure they are thinking there is no way such little kids can have self control but I have seen it with my own eyes! I also believe the sooner you start teaching your kids what it means to have self control, the sooner they will get it. Irconically I just picked up the book "Nurture Shock" and it actually had a chapter on a preschool class that had learned through their school program self control and they actually behaved better than the older class children -- can you believe that the preschoolers were behaving better than the older students?
Anyway, here are some ways we've taught self control (and continue teaching self control) in our home. I have actually created a scrapbook that we use during our training times. It covers different topics like first time obedience (or obeying quickly -- whatever you want to call it but it's the same principal), some games we play that teach moral excellence, some Bible verses on particular behavior we are working on and ways we are learning that best way to be...basically it helps me and the kids have something to look at and keep consistent with.
For teaching a child self control, it helps that when they start getting to that point of no longer being in control, that you can say to them "you need to fold your hands and get some self control". Something magical happens when you tell your kids to fold their hands -- the energy in their body all of sudden goes to focusing on keeping their hands folded and this gives them time to calm down and get control back. Of course you can't expect your kids to fold their hands to get self control if you have never taught them your expectation in the first place -- and what better way to do this is during non-conflict training, or what we call "training time".
During our training time for self control, we practice what it means to get self control. For us that means "no talking or making noise, sitting still, and hands are folded". We practice what it looks like to have self control, what it looks like to get self control (folding of hands...) and what it looks like when we don't have self control -- this happens to be my kids favorite! Acting all silly and wiggly and goofy. This helps me so I know that the kids truly know what it means, feels like, and looks like when they have self control and when they don't have self control.
We actually take 5 to 10 minutes of practicing sitting on our stools with our hands folded, mouths are quiet and we are sitting still. I have a timer for each child and if someone is having trouble in one of the areas, I'll restart their timer until they are able to complete the time necessary. Some of you may thinking this is harsh but let me ask you, how many of your kids are able to sit quiet and still for easily 30 minutes while watching a TV show? By being able to train them to sit quiet and still when I need them to has been very helpful in so many different situations. For example when I'm driving the car and they start hitting on each other - I can say "Owen, Anna, you need to fold your hands until mommy sees that you have self control". And since I've trained them in this, they do it and the hitting and fighting is over and I can continue focusing on driving. Another area I have found this especially helpful is when we are shopping in a store and little hands like to start touching things. I either tell them they need to put their hands in their pockets or fold their hands to help them resist the urge to be touching everything thing we walk by in the store. Or what about when you are a the doctors office and you have two of more of your kids with you and you are trying to talk to the doctor but your 4 year old is running around going crazy and being loud that you can't even talk to the doctor. Having them sit quiet and still until you are done has been very helpful.
There are many different ways you can teach your children self control through play as well. One easy game is to play "Simon Says", kids have to listen to the diffent things called out and do them only when Simon Says. Another game is "Red Light / Green Light" which also helps children have self control to stop and go and the correct times. I also have found just practicing and role playing the areas that you are struggling self control with. For example, if your child is struggling with self control when it comes to say sharing toys with another child and not just statching them (yes, this is a form of self control!) then role play and practice what is looks like, what the child can say, and what the child can do to show self control and what it looks like when they don't have self control.
In the book "Creative Family Times" they dedicate a whole chapter to sit time, which is a time the child sits and reads books quietly for a predetermined amount of time. We do this in our home as well, but call it "reading time". This also teaches a child self control. But just remember however you want self control to look like in your home and with your children, then you need to teach them that way and practice, practice, pracite. For our family, I have seen great benefits in teaching our children self control in all these areas: folding of hands, sitting quietly reading books, sitting quietly playing with a predetermined toy, sharing toys without snatching...You won't be able to expect your child to fold their hands to get self control if you have never practiced it. WIth small children, you could even help hold their hands for a short amount of time so they know exactly what you are expecting until they are able to do it themselves.
What ways do you teach your toddlers and preschoolers self control? Have you seen positive results in your training?
Anyway, here are some ways we've taught self control (and continue teaching self control) in our home. I have actually created a scrapbook that we use during our training times. It covers different topics like first time obedience (or obeying quickly -- whatever you want to call it but it's the same principal), some games we play that teach moral excellence, some Bible verses on particular behavior we are working on and ways we are learning that best way to be...basically it helps me and the kids have something to look at and keep consistent with.
For teaching a child self control, it helps that when they start getting to that point of no longer being in control, that you can say to them "you need to fold your hands and get some self control". Something magical happens when you tell your kids to fold their hands -- the energy in their body all of sudden goes to focusing on keeping their hands folded and this gives them time to calm down and get control back. Of course you can't expect your kids to fold their hands to get self control if you have never taught them your expectation in the first place -- and what better way to do this is during non-conflict training, or what we call "training time".
During our training time for self control, we practice what it means to get self control. For us that means "no talking or making noise, sitting still, and hands are folded". We practice what it looks like to have self control, what it looks like to get self control (folding of hands...) and what it looks like when we don't have self control -- this happens to be my kids favorite! Acting all silly and wiggly and goofy. This helps me so I know that the kids truly know what it means, feels like, and looks like when they have self control and when they don't have self control.
We actually take 5 to 10 minutes of practicing sitting on our stools with our hands folded, mouths are quiet and we are sitting still. I have a timer for each child and if someone is having trouble in one of the areas, I'll restart their timer until they are able to complete the time necessary. Some of you may thinking this is harsh but let me ask you, how many of your kids are able to sit quiet and still for easily 30 minutes while watching a TV show? By being able to train them to sit quiet and still when I need them to has been very helpful in so many different situations. For example when I'm driving the car and they start hitting on each other - I can say "Owen, Anna, you need to fold your hands until mommy sees that you have self control". And since I've trained them in this, they do it and the hitting and fighting is over and I can continue focusing on driving. Another area I have found this especially helpful is when we are shopping in a store and little hands like to start touching things. I either tell them they need to put their hands in their pockets or fold their hands to help them resist the urge to be touching everything thing we walk by in the store. Or what about when you are a the doctors office and you have two of more of your kids with you and you are trying to talk to the doctor but your 4 year old is running around going crazy and being loud that you can't even talk to the doctor. Having them sit quiet and still until you are done has been very helpful.
There are many different ways you can teach your children self control through play as well. One easy game is to play "Simon Says", kids have to listen to the diffent things called out and do them only when Simon Says. Another game is "Red Light / Green Light" which also helps children have self control to stop and go and the correct times. I also have found just practicing and role playing the areas that you are struggling self control with. For example, if your child is struggling with self control when it comes to say sharing toys with another child and not just statching them (yes, this is a form of self control!) then role play and practice what is looks like, what the child can say, and what the child can do to show self control and what it looks like when they don't have self control.
In the book "Creative Family Times" they dedicate a whole chapter to sit time, which is a time the child sits and reads books quietly for a predetermined amount of time. We do this in our home as well, but call it "reading time". This also teaches a child self control. But just remember however you want self control to look like in your home and with your children, then you need to teach them that way and practice, practice, pracite. For our family, I have seen great benefits in teaching our children self control in all these areas: folding of hands, sitting quietly reading books, sitting quietly playing with a predetermined toy, sharing toys without snatching...You won't be able to expect your child to fold their hands to get self control if you have never practiced it. WIth small children, you could even help hold their hands for a short amount of time so they know exactly what you are expecting until they are able to do it themselves.
What ways do you teach your toddlers and preschoolers self control? Have you seen positive results in your training?
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Second Giveaway: A Checklist for Parents -- FROM DOORPOSTS
Today is day #2 for the 10 day give away over at the new blog by Doorposts. Make sure you head on over to enter their give away and make sure to check out their great resources!
Make sure you go ahead and visit their new blog Doorpost of Your Heart for a chance to win!
Make sure you go ahead and visit their new blog Doorpost of Your Heart for a chance to win!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Write Them on Your Doorposts of Your Heart -- Hurry and Enter TODAY!
Have I mentioned how much I reference by book "For Instruction in Righteousness" written by Pam Foster and published by Doorposts? I don't think it has come up yet in my blog, but I have to say, anytime I'm needing some scripture advice on a particular behavior, situation or problem we are facing, I like to pull out my "For Instruction in Righteousness" book. So you wouldn't believe how excited I was when I saw another friend post about their new blog! Yes, Doorposts has created a new blog and to help spread the word, they are starting a 10 day give away to win some of their wonderful resources. And one lucky person will win their entire set! Make sure you go ahead and visit their new blog Doorpost of Your Heart for a chance to win!
And while you are there, check out the tab for "Weekly Character Projects". Once a week, they will be posting a project out of "Plants Grown Up" or "Polished Cornerstones", along with any needed instructions or study forms. This week's project has just been posted and is titled "How to Develop Patience Toward Others". You can click here to go directly to this project.
But don't forget to enter their wonderful giveway! Let me know if you win anything!!!
And while you are there, check out the tab for "Weekly Character Projects". Once a week, they will be posting a project out of "Plants Grown Up" or "Polished Cornerstones", along with any needed instructions or study forms. This week's project has just been posted and is titled "How to Develop Patience Toward Others". You can click here to go directly to this project.
But don't forget to enter their wonderful giveway! Let me know if you win anything!!!
Sunday, March 13, 2011
3 Simple Rules?!
Can that be even possible to have 3 Simple Rules for everyday situations for your kids? I don't remember what book it was that I was reading (I think it was one from Kay Kuzma) but I came across these 3 rules for conduct for your kids. I liked how simple they were to remember but yet how they apply to almost every behavioral situation your kids may encounter.
Here are the 3 rules:
* We don't hurt others (I remind my kids that this includes our words and our actions)
* We don't hurt things
* We don't hurt ourselves
Start off in non-conflict training going over these three rules and explaining to your kids in detail what each of these rules mean and include examples. You can even make a fun game out of it by asking your kids to tell you which rule you are breaking. For example you could say "Oh, I'm so upset that I just threw my friends toy on the ground" -- we don't hurt things. Or "I just shouted to my friend "You are being so mean and selfish" -- we don't hurt others. "I really would like to jump up and down on the sofa" -- we don't hurt ourselves and we don't hurt things. Get the idea?
I don't know about you, but I feel it is important to go over behavior and rules with your children before going over to someone's house for a play date, or running errands in a store, or whatever outing you're about to do -- it is a good idea to remind them (or if they are older, have them tell you) what the expectations are for how to behave. And by teaching them these 3 rules you don't have to have a huge list of "do's and don'ts".
Also, another way to help your kids understand the rules is if they are breaking one of them -- say hitting their sister in frustration, you could simple go over and say "remember we don't hurt others -- you need to go take a break, now".
Having 3 simple rules makes it easy for both you and your kids. There isn't a huge list to remember and by only having three simple rules, it helps everyone be consistent with expectations. Even little ones will easily remember what the three rules are.
Do you have consistent rules in your family? Do you remind your kids each time you go out how they are to behave?
Here are the 3 rules:
* We don't hurt others (I remind my kids that this includes our words and our actions)
* We don't hurt things
* We don't hurt ourselves
Start off in non-conflict training going over these three rules and explaining to your kids in detail what each of these rules mean and include examples. You can even make a fun game out of it by asking your kids to tell you which rule you are breaking. For example you could say "Oh, I'm so upset that I just threw my friends toy on the ground" -- we don't hurt things. Or "I just shouted to my friend "You are being so mean and selfish" -- we don't hurt others. "I really would like to jump up and down on the sofa" -- we don't hurt ourselves and we don't hurt things. Get the idea?
I don't know about you, but I feel it is important to go over behavior and rules with your children before going over to someone's house for a play date, or running errands in a store, or whatever outing you're about to do -- it is a good idea to remind them (or if they are older, have them tell you) what the expectations are for how to behave. And by teaching them these 3 rules you don't have to have a huge list of "do's and don'ts".
Also, another way to help your kids understand the rules is if they are breaking one of them -- say hitting their sister in frustration, you could simple go over and say "remember we don't hurt others -- you need to go take a break, now".
Having 3 simple rules makes it easy for both you and your kids. There isn't a huge list to remember and by only having three simple rules, it helps everyone be consistent with expectations. Even little ones will easily remember what the three rules are.
Do you have consistent rules in your family? Do you remind your kids each time you go out how they are to behave?
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Too many freedoms?
So last night Anna was refusing to put on the pjs that I had picked out for her to wear to bed. What's a mother to do? Well, I'll tell you what I did. I told her that it was mommy's choice tonight and that these are the pjs I have for her to wear. That was that. She wasn't too happy about it, but she did finally put them on. As she was putting them on, my husband said "Anna, tomorrow night you can pick out your own pjs to wear." Um, what?! After Anna was in bed I shared with Mark about Anna being too wise in her own eyes and having too many freedoms. How do you know if your child has too many freedoms? When they throw a fit over something you decide for them. The example the Ezzo's gave in the GKGW series is tomorrow morning, make breakfast for your kids and just set it out on the table without asking them what they want or making them what you know they love. Do they end up complaining about what you served? Did they whine about wanting something different to eat? If so, then they have too many freedoms! If your child can handle you making decisions for them (after all we are the parent, right?!) without throwing a fit, or complaining, or whining about it, then they are showing they can have the freedom with that decision to make for themselves. Does that make sense?
Another tell tail sign your child has too many freedoms is when they do something, say like going outside, do they ask your first or do they just tell you they are going outside? Or even worse just go outside without even you knowing it?! I'll hopefully post more on that later -- but stop and listen to how your children talk to you throughout the day. Are they asking you or telling you things they would like to do?
So back to the story of Anna. Instead of letting her pick out her pjs tonight, I told her that because of her attitude of mommy picking them out, that I will continue to pick them out for the next three nights. Then we can see if she has the freedom to choose her pjs once in awhile.
Why bother, you may ask. Isn't it just pjs? Don't forgot to view parenting from the BIG picture. A small situation today can turn into a BIG problem in the future.
Is your child wise in their own eyes? Do they have too many freedoms?
Another tell tail sign your child has too many freedoms is when they do something, say like going outside, do they ask your first or do they just tell you they are going outside? Or even worse just go outside without even you knowing it?! I'll hopefully post more on that later -- but stop and listen to how your children talk to you throughout the day. Are they asking you or telling you things they would like to do?
So back to the story of Anna. Instead of letting her pick out her pjs tonight, I told her that because of her attitude of mommy picking them out, that I will continue to pick them out for the next three nights. Then we can see if she has the freedom to choose her pjs once in awhile.
Why bother, you may ask. Isn't it just pjs? Don't forgot to view parenting from the BIG picture. A small situation today can turn into a BIG problem in the future.
Is your child wise in their own eyes? Do they have too many freedoms?
Why bother with Obedience Training?
So I was thinking based on my post yesterday on "Yes Mommy/Daddy", maybe some of you are wondering why even bother with training your children in obedience -- well, here are some thoughts to consider which I learned from watching the Toddler Transition DVDs series from Growing Family's International.
* Health and Safety -- by training your children in first time obedience you can keep them healthy and safe. For example, you will know that if your child starts to run for the street, you could call their name and tell them to stop and they will. Or if your child is sick and needs to take medicine, by having trained in first time obedience, your child will take his medicine without it being a battle.
* General Parenting -- how many times have your gotten frustrated by repeating over and over instructions for your children to obey? Does your blood start to boil, your voice get louder and your temper start to flare? An easy way to get rid of all those feelings is to train your child in first time obedience so you know that the first time you say something to them, they will do it. No getting frustrated, no getting angry and no raising your voice. Sounds great, doesn't it? And please don't use the "I'm counting to 3" to get your child to obey...if they obey you at 3 then they can obey you at 1...it's all in the training and your expectations.
* Stewardship -- by training in first time obedience you are teaching your child also to be gentle and respectful to things around them, like their toys and other people's things. If you are at someone's house and your child starts jumping on their couch, since you've trained in first time obedience you can say"you need to keep your feet on the floor" and know that they will obey you.
* Moral -- training in first time obedience is a moral thing to do. Remember that the Bible commands our children to obey their parents - but it's the parents job to teach them to obey! When training your child, those 3 and older need to understand the moral reasons why to obey. So start including that in your instructions for obedience.
Hope this helped briefly clarify the importance of training your child to obey. Do you have any other reasons why it is important?
* Health and Safety -- by training your children in first time obedience you can keep them healthy and safe. For example, you will know that if your child starts to run for the street, you could call their name and tell them to stop and they will. Or if your child is sick and needs to take medicine, by having trained in first time obedience, your child will take his medicine without it being a battle.
* General Parenting -- how many times have your gotten frustrated by repeating over and over instructions for your children to obey? Does your blood start to boil, your voice get louder and your temper start to flare? An easy way to get rid of all those feelings is to train your child in first time obedience so you know that the first time you say something to them, they will do it. No getting frustrated, no getting angry and no raising your voice. Sounds great, doesn't it? And please don't use the "I'm counting to 3" to get your child to obey...if they obey you at 3 then they can obey you at 1...it's all in the training and your expectations.
* Stewardship -- by training in first time obedience you are teaching your child also to be gentle and respectful to things around them, like their toys and other people's things. If you are at someone's house and your child starts jumping on their couch, since you've trained in first time obedience you can say"you need to keep your feet on the floor" and know that they will obey you.
* Moral -- training in first time obedience is a moral thing to do. Remember that the Bible commands our children to obey their parents - but it's the parents job to teach them to obey! When training your child, those 3 and older need to understand the moral reasons why to obey. So start including that in your instructions for obedience.
Hope this helped briefly clarify the importance of training your child to obey. Do you have any other reasons why it is important?
Monday, March 7, 2011
"Yes, Mommy/Daddy"
So this week we are refocusing our training time to first time obedience. The Mom's Notes by Joey and Carla Link have a great presentation on first time obedience () that provides step by step suggestions based on your child's age on how to achieve first time obedience -- after all children are to obey their parents (Ephesians 6:1 ; Colossians 3:20) So how do you go about instilling first time obedience with your children, you might ask? By starting with non-conflict training of course!!!
Here is what we've come up for our family, which is based on the GKGW and Mom's Notes presentations. I also got some new ideas from the book I referenced yesterday "Good and Angry" and from a friend who did a similar chart for her girls.
Yes, I need charts to help keep me consistent and organized! And guess what, my kids LOVE charts and for some strange reason, just knowing they get a check mark motivates their behavior so positively! So, I made a chart, that we all went over together this morning during our training time. Here is how we handle first time obedience in our family --
* SAYS -- When I call my child's name, I want them to say "Yes, Mommy. I'm coming." The "I'm coming" is especially important if they are in another room when I've called their name. But if we are in the same room, I just expect them to say "Yes, Mommy" and then look at me in the eyes. (remember that you and your spouse should get in the habit of saying "yes" to when they hear their named called as well...just saying "huh" or "what" or even worse nothing when someone else calls your name is not setting a good example to your children -- please don't set up standards for your kids that you are not willing to follow yourself!) Oh -- one important thing: when you call your child's name WAIT before saying anything else!!! This is an area of great self control for me. I'm so use to saying "Owen, you need to go pick up your toys now" vs saying "Owen" and WAITING for him to say "yes, Mommy" then giving him the instructions.
* DOES -- When they say "Yes, Mommy. I'm coming", they are to come right away and with a happy heart.
* LOOKS -- When they come to me I want them looking at me in the eyes.
* REPEATS -- In GKGW/Mom's Notes they recommend the child says "Yes, Mommy" after receiving instructions since by them acknowledging your instructions by saying "yes Mommy", two things happen. One you know that they heard your instructions and two they take ownership of those instructions. However, Anna would just out of habit say "yes Momma" after my instructions and then not follow through with them. So I've added that after my instructions, they are to say "Yes, Momma" and then repeat back what I've told them to do. So for example I would say "Anna, you need to go pick up your toys" and she is to repeat back "yes, momma, I will go and pick up my toys". I've noticed with her how it's been difficult for her to bring herself to repeat my instructions since it is causing her to follow through with what she is saying -- which is the goal I'm wanting her to achieve!
* OBEYS -- I want my kids to obey first. No complaining, arguing, debating...just go and do it. If we need to talk about the reason why afterward, that's okay. But they need to obey first, with a happy heart. Now parents -- PLEASE pay attention to what your children is doing before calling their names and expecting first time obedience from them...say your child is almost finished watching their favorite TV show and you call them to do something. Is it fair to expect them to stop their show when there is only a few minutes left when your instructions could wait till the show is over? We are called not to exasperated our children (Colossians 3:21). GKGW has a great presentation on "The Call To Appeal" which can be a privilege to those who have demonstrated first time obedience.
So for each time my children follows through with these steps, they will get a check mark on the board. For every time they don't follow through with one of these steps, they will get an X mark. As far as consequences, for every X mark there will be a 5 minute 'time out' and then the opportunity to try it again. And after 5 X marks in one day there will be a lost of privilege. Why check off each step? So I can see what areas my kids need to focus their attention on. Right now I know Anna needs more focus on the repeating my instructions and Owen needs to focus more on obeying first -- but maybe after this week of tracking I'll see other areas that are strengths and/or weaknesses.
How are your helping your children achieve obedience in your home?
Here is what we've come up for our family, which is based on the GKGW and Mom's Notes presentations. I also got some new ideas from the book I referenced yesterday "Good and Angry" and from a friend who did a similar chart for her girls.
Yes, I need charts to help keep me consistent and organized! And guess what, my kids LOVE charts and for some strange reason, just knowing they get a check mark motivates their behavior so positively! So, I made a chart, that we all went over together this morning during our training time. Here is how we handle first time obedience in our family --
* SAYS -- When I call my child's name, I want them to say "Yes, Mommy. I'm coming." The "I'm coming" is especially important if they are in another room when I've called their name. But if we are in the same room, I just expect them to say "Yes, Mommy" and then look at me in the eyes. (remember that you and your spouse should get in the habit of saying "yes" to when they hear their named called as well...just saying "huh" or "what" or even worse nothing when someone else calls your name is not setting a good example to your children -- please don't set up standards for your kids that you are not willing to follow yourself!) Oh -- one important thing: when you call your child's name WAIT before saying anything else!!! This is an area of great self control for me. I'm so use to saying "Owen, you need to go pick up your toys now" vs saying "Owen" and WAITING for him to say "yes, Mommy" then giving him the instructions.
* DOES -- When they say "Yes, Mommy. I'm coming", they are to come right away and with a happy heart.
* LOOKS -- When they come to me I want them looking at me in the eyes.
* REPEATS -- In GKGW/Mom's Notes they recommend the child says "Yes, Mommy" after receiving instructions since by them acknowledging your instructions by saying "yes Mommy", two things happen. One you know that they heard your instructions and two they take ownership of those instructions. However, Anna would just out of habit say "yes Momma" after my instructions and then not follow through with them. So I've added that after my instructions, they are to say "Yes, Momma" and then repeat back what I've told them to do. So for example I would say "Anna, you need to go pick up your toys" and she is to repeat back "yes, momma, I will go and pick up my toys". I've noticed with her how it's been difficult for her to bring herself to repeat my instructions since it is causing her to follow through with what she is saying -- which is the goal I'm wanting her to achieve!
* OBEYS -- I want my kids to obey first. No complaining, arguing, debating...just go and do it. If we need to talk about the reason why afterward, that's okay. But they need to obey first, with a happy heart. Now parents -- PLEASE pay attention to what your children is doing before calling their names and expecting first time obedience from them...say your child is almost finished watching their favorite TV show and you call them to do something. Is it fair to expect them to stop their show when there is only a few minutes left when your instructions could wait till the show is over? We are called not to exasperated our children (Colossians 3:21). GKGW has a great presentation on "The Call To Appeal" which can be a privilege to those who have demonstrated first time obedience.
So for each time my children follows through with these steps, they will get a check mark on the board. For every time they don't follow through with one of these steps, they will get an X mark. As far as consequences, for every X mark there will be a 5 minute 'time out' and then the opportunity to try it again. And after 5 X marks in one day there will be a lost of privilege. Why check off each step? So I can see what areas my kids need to focus their attention on. Right now I know Anna needs more focus on the repeating my instructions and Owen needs to focus more on obeying first -- but maybe after this week of tracking I'll see other areas that are strengths and/or weaknesses.
How are your helping your children achieve obedience in your home?
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Do you have a routine?
Wow, where have the last 9 months gone?! I can't believe how long it's been since the last time I've posted on here! But I'm back again and hope to stick with it a lot longer now that we've gotten past holidays and birthdays and that I'm stepping up my training with the kids...Honestly, truth be told, I did forget my password and couldn't post some of the things I was wanting to post. I finally sat down today and figured out how to reset my password.
I've been reading this great book called "Good and Angry -- Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids!" by Scott Turansky. The title caught my attention since I've been experiencing anger and frustration lately towards my kids behavior and I was looking for ways to resolve my angry feelings. I loved how this book addressed anger as not being necessary a bad thing (yes, it can be and the Bible warns us about sinning when being angry in Ephesians 4:26) but rather how to use our anger as an opportunity to address and solve what is causing us to be angry in the first place. Did you get that? So instead of always getting angry at your kids for say, not listening to you, come up with a way to solve the problem of your kids not listening to you and there goes away your anger! Sounds pretty simple huh?
Do you have a routine at home? A routine maybe for how you schedule your day? Or how you go about cleaning the kitchen? Or what you have the kids do each night before bed? I'm sure all of you have some type of routine in your family. This book explains how to create routines to resolve behavior issues with your kids, those particular behavior issues that cause you frustration.
So since we used the example above of children not listening to you, here is the recommended routine to help resolve any anger and frustration you get when your children don't listen to you. This is from the book "Good and Angry":
Step 1: Get Close Together - the child comes when called
Step 2: Consider the timing - the child responds
Step 3: Give the instructions - the child answers
Step 4: Wait - the child does the job
Step 5: Child checks back with you - you inspect
For more details on these steps consider reading the book for yourself. Also, I plan to post more on first time obedience - which the first step is coming when you call your child's name later this week. It's something that has slipped recently in our household.
I've been reading this great book called "Good and Angry -- Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids!" by Scott Turansky. The title caught my attention since I've been experiencing anger and frustration lately towards my kids behavior and I was looking for ways to resolve my angry feelings. I loved how this book addressed anger as not being necessary a bad thing (yes, it can be and the Bible warns us about sinning when being angry in Ephesians 4:26) but rather how to use our anger as an opportunity to address and solve what is causing us to be angry in the first place. Did you get that? So instead of always getting angry at your kids for say, not listening to you, come up with a way to solve the problem of your kids not listening to you and there goes away your anger! Sounds pretty simple huh?
Do you have a routine at home? A routine maybe for how you schedule your day? Or how you go about cleaning the kitchen? Or what you have the kids do each night before bed? I'm sure all of you have some type of routine in your family. This book explains how to create routines to resolve behavior issues with your kids, those particular behavior issues that cause you frustration.
So since we used the example above of children not listening to you, here is the recommended routine to help resolve any anger and frustration you get when your children don't listen to you. This is from the book "Good and Angry":
Step 1: Get Close Together - the child comes when called
Step 2: Consider the timing - the child responds
Step 3: Give the instructions - the child answers
Step 4: Wait - the child does the job
Step 5: Child checks back with you - you inspect
For more details on these steps consider reading the book for yourself. Also, I plan to post more on first time obedience - which the first step is coming when you call your child's name later this week. It's something that has slipped recently in our household.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Testing 1, 2, 3
Is this a test?! Something to remember about a child that likes to test you, push your buttons, throws gauntlets at you, etc...is well that they like to test you, push your buttons, and throw gauntlets at you! And I have one of these types of children in my house!
Just tonight, again with the getting out of bed, throwing toys, turning on the light and turning off the sound machine...and then taking off all her clothes...all to get a reaction out of me. And what did I do? Nothing! I stayed cool, calm and collected. I did take things up a notch and told her (in a cool, calm, collected way) that I won't be opening her door until she picks up all the toys, gets dress, turns the sound on and lights off. And again, she did it right away. The one thing I have learned with testers like this, is that it WILL get worse before it gets better! I promise you that and I have personally experienced the "worse" before the "better". Also it is very, very important to stay consistent and don't forget about being cool, calm and collected!
I think it was in the book "The Well Behaved Child" by John Rosemond (I read so many books that I have a hard time keeping them all straight...) but he actually says not only does it get worse before it gets better. But he says that once things are better for a few days, watch out because your little tester is going to re-test you to see if you pass. And you better pass or you'll be at square one before you even know it! And if you're like me, I rather be moving forward with things than falling backwards!
So watch out if you have a little tester at home and make sure you are passing those tests by staying cool, calm and collected and yes, consistent! The little testers have a way of knowing when you are tired and had an exhausting day and that the last thing you want to be doing is passing their little tests. But the more tests you pass, the less tests you'll have -- in other words, your child will stop testing you because they aren't getting any reactions out of you and what fun is it to test someone who is consistently cool, calm and collected?
Do you have a little tester at home, too? What has seem to work or not work when it comes to passing their tests?
Just tonight, again with the getting out of bed, throwing toys, turning on the light and turning off the sound machine...and then taking off all her clothes...all to get a reaction out of me. And what did I do? Nothing! I stayed cool, calm and collected. I did take things up a notch and told her (in a cool, calm, collected way) that I won't be opening her door until she picks up all the toys, gets dress, turns the sound on and lights off. And again, she did it right away. The one thing I have learned with testers like this, is that it WILL get worse before it gets better! I promise you that and I have personally experienced the "worse" before the "better". Also it is very, very important to stay consistent and don't forget about being cool, calm and collected!
I think it was in the book "The Well Behaved Child" by John Rosemond (I read so many books that I have a hard time keeping them all straight...) but he actually says not only does it get worse before it gets better. But he says that once things are better for a few days, watch out because your little tester is going to re-test you to see if you pass. And you better pass or you'll be at square one before you even know it! And if you're like me, I rather be moving forward with things than falling backwards!
So watch out if you have a little tester at home and make sure you are passing those tests by staying cool, calm and collected and yes, consistent! The little testers have a way of knowing when you are tired and had an exhausting day and that the last thing you want to be doing is passing their little tests. But the more tests you pass, the less tests you'll have -- in other words, your child will stop testing you because they aren't getting any reactions out of you and what fun is it to test someone who is consistently cool, calm and collected?
Do you have a little tester at home, too? What has seem to work or not work when it comes to passing their tests?
Cool, Calm and Collected
I don't know what the temperature has been like in your area over the past few days, but over here it's been very hot and humid! And honestly I don't do well when its too hot or too humid. All I like to do is laze around, taking things slow and try to be very intentional about what I do. In other words, with the temperatures being so hot, the last thing I want to do is to feel even hotter. I like to try to stay cool, calm and collected!
This made me think about my children and when they do things that make me feel hot...when my blood starts to boil and I can feel the sweat dripping down my face. Okay, maybe its not that bad, but they really do know how to push my buttons sometimes! But there is hope for all of us when it comes to getting hot and bothered by our children's behavior.
A few months back I did a mini teleseminar with Susan from The Confident Mom. (Check out her website at theconfidentmom.com). She lead a great series through the book "ScreamFree Parenting" written by Hal Runkel. Basically the whole premise of this book is controlling your own emotions so you can better parent your child. Plus the book provides lots of great tools to help you be that better parent. And with Susan's teleseminar you even get personal Q&A time after each presentation. It was a great month of study and I highly recommend signing up for her class.
My most favorite chapter in the ScreamFree Parenting book was "Resistance is Futile; Practice Judo Parenting". The section on "refusing to pick up the gauntlet" was just wonderful and was much needed information for me. My daughter is a big gauntlet thrower or button pusher or pushing the boundaries. Call it what you like, but these things really make me hot and frustrated! But now I really stop and think and try practicing being calm, cool and collected.
Take the other night for example. My daughter, after specifically being told to be quiet for bed or the door will be shut, decided to push her boundaries and continued to playfully scream and be loud. So I followed through with what I said I was going to do (have I mentioned before the importance of doing what you say you will do? Um, sounds like another post...) and I shut her bedroom door. No sooner was the door shut that she got out of bed (she repeats her bedtime rules before bed, and the first one is "stay in your bed") and she tried to open the door. I know that this is her natural tendency so being prepared (have I mentioned the importance of having a plan...okay, I'll post about that later too!) I was standing on the other side of the door holding onto the door knob so she couldn't open the door. So now comes more gauntlets. She starts screaming. I continue to hold the door shut and I just stay cool, calm and collected. She then turns her bedroom light on and turns her white noise machine off. I stay cool, calm and collected. Then she starts throwing her toys off the table. I continue holding the door shut and continued to stay cool, calm and collected even though inside of me I was wanting to throw open the door and start yelling at her for her behavior and for not throwing toys and to get back into bed - but then who's being the one out of control and now being the child?! So, I stayed cool, calm and collective...Finally, she calmed done and it was quite. I calmly opened the door and in my most cool and calm voice, I said to her "Anna, pick up those off the floor." And guess what, she did it right away. She did it because I was being cool, calm and collected. If I came in there like some crazy lady yelling and screaming out orders, she most likely wouldn't have listened to me. I mean seriously, would you do what a crazy lady was yelling and screaming at you to do? Then I calmly told her to turn her white noise machine back on and turn her bedroom light off. Right away she did it. And then finally I calmly told her to climb back into bed and pull her covers back on (this is another HUGE gauntlet we have worked on and occasionally she likes to test where we stand...) and to stay there until her blue star goes off (see previous post on our "magic blue star").
In the end, I didn't get hot and my blood didn't boil because I choose to stay cool, calm and collected. I felt good about myself that I remained the one in control. One of my favorite saying from the ScreamFree Parenting book was "if you're not under control, then you cannot be in charge". In other words, you need to be cool, calm and collected to be in charge! So remember that next time your blood starts to boil and you feel the sweat dripping from your forehead - just take a deep breath and repeat "I am cool, calm and collected" then follow through with being that cool and calm and collected mom our children truly need! If I can do it, you can do it too!
This made me think about my children and when they do things that make me feel hot...when my blood starts to boil and I can feel the sweat dripping down my face. Okay, maybe its not that bad, but they really do know how to push my buttons sometimes! But there is hope for all of us when it comes to getting hot and bothered by our children's behavior.
A few months back I did a mini teleseminar with Susan from The Confident Mom. (Check out her website at theconfidentmom.com). She lead a great series through the book "ScreamFree Parenting" written by Hal Runkel. Basically the whole premise of this book is controlling your own emotions so you can better parent your child. Plus the book provides lots of great tools to help you be that better parent. And with Susan's teleseminar you even get personal Q&A time after each presentation. It was a great month of study and I highly recommend signing up for her class.
My most favorite chapter in the ScreamFree Parenting book was "Resistance is Futile; Practice Judo Parenting". The section on "refusing to pick up the gauntlet" was just wonderful and was much needed information for me. My daughter is a big gauntlet thrower or button pusher or pushing the boundaries. Call it what you like, but these things really make me hot and frustrated! But now I really stop and think and try practicing being calm, cool and collected.
Take the other night for example. My daughter, after specifically being told to be quiet for bed or the door will be shut, decided to push her boundaries and continued to playfully scream and be loud. So I followed through with what I said I was going to do (have I mentioned before the importance of doing what you say you will do? Um, sounds like another post...) and I shut her bedroom door. No sooner was the door shut that she got out of bed (she repeats her bedtime rules before bed, and the first one is "stay in your bed") and she tried to open the door. I know that this is her natural tendency so being prepared (have I mentioned the importance of having a plan...okay, I'll post about that later too!) I was standing on the other side of the door holding onto the door knob so she couldn't open the door. So now comes more gauntlets. She starts screaming. I continue to hold the door shut and I just stay cool, calm and collected. She then turns her bedroom light on and turns her white noise machine off. I stay cool, calm and collected. Then she starts throwing her toys off the table. I continue holding the door shut and continued to stay cool, calm and collected even though inside of me I was wanting to throw open the door and start yelling at her for her behavior and for not throwing toys and to get back into bed - but then who's being the one out of control and now being the child?! So, I stayed cool, calm and collective...Finally, she calmed done and it was quite. I calmly opened the door and in my most cool and calm voice, I said to her "Anna, pick up those off the floor." And guess what, she did it right away. She did it because I was being cool, calm and collected. If I came in there like some crazy lady yelling and screaming out orders, she most likely wouldn't have listened to me. I mean seriously, would you do what a crazy lady was yelling and screaming at you to do? Then I calmly told her to turn her white noise machine back on and turn her bedroom light off. Right away she did it. And then finally I calmly told her to climb back into bed and pull her covers back on (this is another HUGE gauntlet we have worked on and occasionally she likes to test where we stand...) and to stay there until her blue star goes off (see previous post on our "magic blue star").
In the end, I didn't get hot and my blood didn't boil because I choose to stay cool, calm and collected. I felt good about myself that I remained the one in control. One of my favorite saying from the ScreamFree Parenting book was "if you're not under control, then you cannot be in charge". In other words, you need to be cool, calm and collected to be in charge! So remember that next time your blood starts to boil and you feel the sweat dripping from your forehead - just take a deep breath and repeat "I am cool, calm and collected" then follow through with being that cool and calm and collected mom our children truly need! If I can do it, you can do it too!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Training Time Tuesday: coming when name is called
Hi Everyone -- I'm starting a new bi-weekly series called "Training Time Tuesday" where every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month, I'll feature a quick and easy training time tool you can practice with your children during non-conflict times. In other words, take some time during the day when everyone is in a great mood (even for you mom!) and practice some of these tools with your children. You'll be amazed at the results you will see!
Situation:
Do your kids run the other way when you call their names? When it's time to leave the playground do you have to call your child's name over and over and over again? Well, practice this great tool and soon you'll be having your child coming to you every time you call their name!
Lesson:
Coming when mommy or daddy call you
Training Time:
Take some time each day or even throughout the day, say 5-10 minutes, practicing this great tool. First start off by telling your children that when Mommy or Daddy call your name, they need to come to where you are at, right away. Stress to your children that you will only call their name one time and that they are to come to you. Make sure that you in fact only call their name one time! Also, make sure when calling their name, you are actually close enough (or loud enough) that they in fact can hear you. After you have explained the expectations, then it's time for training time! Tell your children it's time to practice - or in our house, we actually call it training time! Have your children go to different areas of the house. You stay in a different area then where they are at. Then call your child's name, once, and wait for them to come to you. Praise them for obeying your instructions. Do this several times over and over again. Make it fun and exciting and show lots of enthusiasm. Also have your children go into different areas of the house and call their names again for them to come to you. After a couple of weeks of doing this, you will notice a difference when you are out that your children will come to you when you call their names!
Situation:
Do your kids run the other way when you call their names? When it's time to leave the playground do you have to call your child's name over and over and over again? Well, practice this great tool and soon you'll be having your child coming to you every time you call their name!
Lesson:
Coming when mommy or daddy call you
Training Time:
Take some time each day or even throughout the day, say 5-10 minutes, practicing this great tool. First start off by telling your children that when Mommy or Daddy call your name, they need to come to where you are at, right away. Stress to your children that you will only call their name one time and that they are to come to you. Make sure that you in fact only call their name one time! Also, make sure when calling their name, you are actually close enough (or loud enough) that they in fact can hear you. After you have explained the expectations, then it's time for training time! Tell your children it's time to practice - or in our house, we actually call it training time! Have your children go to different areas of the house. You stay in a different area then where they are at. Then call your child's name, once, and wait for them to come to you. Praise them for obeying your instructions. Do this several times over and over again. Make it fun and exciting and show lots of enthusiasm. Also have your children go into different areas of the house and call their names again for them to come to you. After a couple of weeks of doing this, you will notice a difference when you are out that your children will come to you when you call their names!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Shrek the Donkey vs Mary & the Donkey
"Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." (Deuteronomy 6:7)
What does this verse mean to you? To me it means that in every opportunity I have, I should be talking about and showing my children who God is and His unconditional love for us. All the time!
Now this may seem like a HUGE task - but really it just takes a change of mindset to start focusing on and sharing/talking about all the wonderful things that show God and his love for us. For example, if your child excitedly points out the beautiful big moon - remind them who made the moon and how much Jesus loves us. If you find a tiny ant in the backyard, talk about how even the smallest of animals Jesus loves and watches over. There are just so many different ways to always bringing back the attention of God's love for us.
One recent example that really made me stop and think was the other day when we were visiting the zoo. We were waiting to take our train ride and across the train tracks was an animal exhibit for the donkeys. I proceeded to bring attention to the donkeys and started to retell the story of Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus. And how Mary rode a donkey into Bethlehem just like that donkey here in the zoo. No sooner did the words leave my mouth did I hear another mother say to her children, "hey kids, there's a donkey like in the movie Shrek." Just a different mindset...
I challenge you to find ways to change your mindset in order to bring attention to the things of God and not things of this world. We have been told to do so in the Bible - "when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up" we are to be teaching our children about God. And if this is a challenge for you to do, remember all of our wisdom comes from God. Pray and ask Him to show you the ways to teach your children about His love.
What are some of the ways you spend teaching your children about God and His love for all of His children?
What does this verse mean to you? To me it means that in every opportunity I have, I should be talking about and showing my children who God is and His unconditional love for us. All the time!
Now this may seem like a HUGE task - but really it just takes a change of mindset to start focusing on and sharing/talking about all the wonderful things that show God and his love for us. For example, if your child excitedly points out the beautiful big moon - remind them who made the moon and how much Jesus loves us. If you find a tiny ant in the backyard, talk about how even the smallest of animals Jesus loves and watches over. There are just so many different ways to always bringing back the attention of God's love for us.
One recent example that really made me stop and think was the other day when we were visiting the zoo. We were waiting to take our train ride and across the train tracks was an animal exhibit for the donkeys. I proceeded to bring attention to the donkeys and started to retell the story of Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus. And how Mary rode a donkey into Bethlehem just like that donkey here in the zoo. No sooner did the words leave my mouth did I hear another mother say to her children, "hey kids, there's a donkey like in the movie Shrek." Just a different mindset...
I challenge you to find ways to change your mindset in order to bring attention to the things of God and not things of this world. We have been told to do so in the Bible - "when we sit at home and when we walk along the road, when we lie down and when we get up" we are to be teaching our children about God. And if this is a challenge for you to do, remember all of our wisdom comes from God. Pray and ask Him to show you the ways to teach your children about His love.
What are some of the ways you spend teaching your children about God and His love for all of His children?
Friday, July 2, 2010
What is TV teaching your kids?
Owen and Anna you need to stop doing that right now. "Oh Man!" (Dora the Explorer)
You need to give me that toy. "Swiper no swiping" (Dora the Explorer)
It's time to go now. "But, mom - can we, can we, can we, please stay." (Dinosaur Train)
You need to get some self control. "I'm so angry. I'm so mad." (Ni Hao Kai Lan)
Use your words. I don't understand what you are needing. "Cup, Cup, Cup" (Max & Ruby)
Have you ever stopped and noticed the behavior of your kids and just perhaps the things they are saying or the things they are doing have come from TV shows you let them watch? The above are some recent examples I have heard in my house from my kids which are basically direct quotes from cartoon shows - mind you, I thought harmless shows - they have been watching.
These responses I've gotten from my kids are not the correct way I want them responding to me or reacting in given situations. Yet, some how the TV shows have taken over my training. So what is a mom to do? Well, my solution has been two fold. First, in some cases, we have all together stopped watching some of these shows. I work hard enough instilling positive behavior into my children that I don't need a 30 minute show teaching them negative behavior.
The second solution is to actually sit down and watch the shows with your children and talk about the behavior you are watching together and perhaps what would be the better way to respond or act. Just yesterday, Owen and I were watching an episode of Chuggington, where the one character flat out lies about the wash station being broken. And the show had no moral consequences for his lie. It was just all fun and games trying to find the train. When they realized he lied, there was nothing said about it at all. So now, when I saw that part I made a big deal about how he lied and we aren't to lie. And now when Owen watches that same episode, he comments on how the train was being bad because he lied.
Also, my kids know what type of shows I allow them to watch. Owen knows that he can only watch Y shows and when he sees Y7 or G, he actually tells me it he isn't to watch it. It's important to teach your children what is acceptable TV for them to watch and why certain shows are off limits. (Makes me think about what potentially inappropriate shows I watch and how they impact my life? hmmm....)
We have to be very careful with what shows we allow our children to watch. Sometimes we think the shows are harmless and fun. But children at this age can't tell the difference between a cartoon and real life. To them, the cartoon is real life. So if a show is teaching your children different responses or behaviors then you want your children demonstrating in their real lives, you may want to think again on what you allow them to watch.
I came across this great little article awhile back with more tips on some great questions to discuss with your kids when it comes to shows they are watching: "When a character is advised to follow her heart, use the opportunity to ask questions such as: why would [the character's name] want to do that? What if [the character] feels like she should [give a good option]? What if [the character] feels like she should [give a bad option]? How will this character know what to do? What might happen if this character prays first, then asks mommy or daddy? Walk your child through the ways the character could honor God and her parents and learn to do what is right (Philippians 1:9-11)."
I do think also, it is so important that you know what your children are watching and that you actually sit down, preferable beforehand to view any new shows. Making sure that they are teaching your children the things you want them to be demonstrating in the lives. Remember our children are little sponges and they are soaking up EVERYTHING they see and hear. I know I've let my kids watch things and have just heard what was going on, but once I actually sat down to watched it, I decided it wasn't something they were going to watch anymore. And remember, you are the parent and so you have the power to decide what they do or don't watch!
Have you come across shows/videos that you particular like for your kids to watch?
You need to give me that toy. "Swiper no swiping" (Dora the Explorer)
It's time to go now. "But, mom - can we, can we, can we, please stay." (Dinosaur Train)
You need to get some self control. "I'm so angry. I'm so mad." (Ni Hao Kai Lan)
Use your words. I don't understand what you are needing. "Cup, Cup, Cup" (Max & Ruby)
Have you ever stopped and noticed the behavior of your kids and just perhaps the things they are saying or the things they are doing have come from TV shows you let them watch? The above are some recent examples I have heard in my house from my kids which are basically direct quotes from cartoon shows - mind you, I thought harmless shows - they have been watching.
These responses I've gotten from my kids are not the correct way I want them responding to me or reacting in given situations. Yet, some how the TV shows have taken over my training. So what is a mom to do? Well, my solution has been two fold. First, in some cases, we have all together stopped watching some of these shows. I work hard enough instilling positive behavior into my children that I don't need a 30 minute show teaching them negative behavior.
The second solution is to actually sit down and watch the shows with your children and talk about the behavior you are watching together and perhaps what would be the better way to respond or act. Just yesterday, Owen and I were watching an episode of Chuggington, where the one character flat out lies about the wash station being broken. And the show had no moral consequences for his lie. It was just all fun and games trying to find the train. When they realized he lied, there was nothing said about it at all. So now, when I saw that part I made a big deal about how he lied and we aren't to lie. And now when Owen watches that same episode, he comments on how the train was being bad because he lied.
Also, my kids know what type of shows I allow them to watch. Owen knows that he can only watch Y shows and when he sees Y7 or G, he actually tells me it he isn't to watch it. It's important to teach your children what is acceptable TV for them to watch and why certain shows are off limits. (Makes me think about what potentially inappropriate shows I watch and how they impact my life? hmmm....)
We have to be very careful with what shows we allow our children to watch. Sometimes we think the shows are harmless and fun. But children at this age can't tell the difference between a cartoon and real life. To them, the cartoon is real life. So if a show is teaching your children different responses or behaviors then you want your children demonstrating in their real lives, you may want to think again on what you allow them to watch.
I came across this great little article awhile back with more tips on some great questions to discuss with your kids when it comes to shows they are watching: "When a character is advised to follow her heart, use the opportunity to ask questions such as: why would [the character's name] want to do that? What if [the character] feels like she should [give a good option]? What if [the character] feels like she should [give a bad option]? How will this character know what to do? What might happen if this character prays first, then asks mommy or daddy? Walk your child through the ways the character could honor God and her parents and learn to do what is right (Philippians 1:9-11)."
I do think also, it is so important that you know what your children are watching and that you actually sit down, preferable beforehand to view any new shows. Making sure that they are teaching your children the things you want them to be demonstrating in the lives. Remember our children are little sponges and they are soaking up EVERYTHING they see and hear. I know I've let my kids watch things and have just heard what was going on, but once I actually sat down to watched it, I decided it wasn't something they were going to watch anymore. And remember, you are the parent and so you have the power to decide what they do or don't watch!
Have you come across shows/videos that you particular like for your kids to watch?
Thursday, July 1, 2010
To Share or Not To Share?
So recently we were at a playgroup and a lesson in sharing and well maybe to some, not some much sharing unfolded before my eyes...
Owen found a toy that he had just started to play with. No sooner did he start playing with said toy, another boy came over and tried to snatch the toy away from Owen. The mother of the boy came over and told her son to use his words and not to snatch toys away from other people. So the boy asked Owen if he could play with the toy. And Owen said "no, not yet." Well, the boy was upset and started to cry. Then the mom says, "Owen just doesn't want to share right now" and told her son to find something different to play with.
This really got me thinking. Does sharing really mean that my son needs to give up a toy he just got to play with to some other child who is wanting it right away? Is that really what sharing is all about? Why was I feeling like my son was doing something wrong by not giving up the toy. Why did I feel he was being the "bad" child because he wasn't ready to share the toy with the other boy. A toy that he had just found and just started to play with.
In our house, I really try to teach my kids to ask "may I play with that when you are done" vs snatching toys from each other or insisting they give the toy up to the other person regardless if they were done playing with it or not. To me that is what sharing is. Sharing doesn't mean that you have to give something to someone right away. Sharing to me means that you take turns - you share something...
The wonderful thing about this approach is you are teaching two very important lessons in one. First you are teaching the importance of sharing things with others. The other thing you are teaching is the importance of being patient and having self control while you wait for your turn.
So, if your child is wanting to play with something that someone else has - teach them the importance of asking for a turn and what it means to be patient. Don't focus on the behavior of the other child as not wanting to share, because that's not really what sharing is about. Also, those types of comments are really just said to make the other person feel guilty and honestly I feel should never be said to another person's child. And just in case you are curious, when Owen was done playing with the toy, he did seek out the other boy (with a little help from me) and gave him the toy and told him he could have a turn. Now, that is what I consider sharing!
What are your thoughts on sharing? How do you handle similar situations in your home or at playgroups?
Owen found a toy that he had just started to play with. No sooner did he start playing with said toy, another boy came over and tried to snatch the toy away from Owen. The mother of the boy came over and told her son to use his words and not to snatch toys away from other people. So the boy asked Owen if he could play with the toy. And Owen said "no, not yet." Well, the boy was upset and started to cry. Then the mom says, "Owen just doesn't want to share right now" and told her son to find something different to play with.
This really got me thinking. Does sharing really mean that my son needs to give up a toy he just got to play with to some other child who is wanting it right away? Is that really what sharing is all about? Why was I feeling like my son was doing something wrong by not giving up the toy. Why did I feel he was being the "bad" child because he wasn't ready to share the toy with the other boy. A toy that he had just found and just started to play with.
In our house, I really try to teach my kids to ask "may I play with that when you are done" vs snatching toys from each other or insisting they give the toy up to the other person regardless if they were done playing with it or not. To me that is what sharing is. Sharing doesn't mean that you have to give something to someone right away. Sharing to me means that you take turns - you share something...
The wonderful thing about this approach is you are teaching two very important lessons in one. First you are teaching the importance of sharing things with others. The other thing you are teaching is the importance of being patient and having self control while you wait for your turn.
So, if your child is wanting to play with something that someone else has - teach them the importance of asking for a turn and what it means to be patient. Don't focus on the behavior of the other child as not wanting to share, because that's not really what sharing is about. Also, those types of comments are really just said to make the other person feel guilty and honestly I feel should never be said to another person's child. And just in case you are curious, when Owen was done playing with the toy, he did seek out the other boy (with a little help from me) and gave him the toy and told him he could have a turn. Now, that is what I consider sharing!
What are your thoughts on sharing? How do you handle similar situations in your home or at playgroups?
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I'M BACK --- Three Simple Steps Is All That You Need...
Yes -- I'm back!!! At least for now, that is! I've had a few friends ask about my blog and said they missed reading things, so I figured now that I have some more time on my hands, I'll go back to blogging about my adventures of teaching my children moral excellence. This blog does truly help me stay accountable to the job of training my children in the way they should go!
So the lesson for the day was being JOYFUL vs being ANGRY. I love the book "Parenting With Scripture: A Topical Guide for Teachable Moments" by Kara Dubin. She lists all different types of behaviors and then shares Bible verses related to that behavior. The book also provides some questions and activities for teachable moments, but I feel are a bit advanced for my 2 1/2 yr old and my 4 yr old. So I come up with my own. Tonight, we used the Bible verse from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, which says "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Owen loves the show "Special Agent Oso" so tonight I made him "Special Agent Owen" and his special alert mission was to locate those faces who were angry and those faces who were joyful. I had gone through one of my magazines and cut out some pictures of angry people and joyful people and glued one to each side of some stock cards. So each card had one angry person on one side and a joyful person on the other side.
We reviewed the Bible verse and talked about what it meant. And I then asked him if he wanted to be joyful or angry. And how does Jesus want us to be. Then I gave him the 4 stock cards and asked him to find all the angry people. We talked about their angry faces and how that makes them feel and how it makes those around them feel. Then I had him flip over the cards to the joyful people and we did the same thing - talked about their faces and how it made them feel and those around them feel.
Then in true Special Agent Oso fashion, we had our "three simple steps" - which were:
Step One: be joyful always (I added the ASL sign as we talked through the steps)
Step Two: pray always
Step Three: give thanks always
And within 20 minutes of our short lesson tonight, Owen started to get upset about something and I asked him, "do you want to be joyful or angry" and he quickly turned his attitude around and said "joyful". Hopefully lesson learned! Ah, the joys of non-conflict training! Even Anna (my 2 1/2 yr old) had a great time going through the lesson with me afterwards!
What areas are you working on? Do you need some creative ideas on how to install a particular teachable moment?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
If at first you don't succeed...
try, try, again. And if you still don't succeed, come up with a new plan!
I personally feel that some parents give up too quickly on training their children. "Oh, that just seems like too much work", or "I don't want to hear her crying/whining so I'll just keep giving her what she wants", or "it's just a phase, I'm sure they'll outgrow it soon"...I think it's important to come up with a plan on how you want to go about solving certain behavior your children are demonstrating and then actually stick with it for at least 2 weeks to see if any changes occur. (remember to be only working on 3 or 4 things at a time, though...) I say at least 2 weeks since depending on your child's temperament change can take awhile for one to get adjusted to. Remember, too, that it does take 21 days to form a new habit and isn't that what you are trying to do with your children in some cases, form new habits?
So what happens after the 2 weeks and you aren't seeing any difference or worse, the behavior has actually gone in the opposite way you were wanting it to go. My first suggestion is to really pray about things to see maybe your approach is wrong or that maybe you should be focusing on it in a completely different way. Second, talk to a close friend that shares the same parenting philosophy as you do. Sometimes when you are in the middle of the issue, you are so close to the problem that you may actually be missing something completely obvious. Third, don't be legalistic or stubborn and say "well this is what I started out to do and under no circumstances am I going change my plans". And finally, think about what you're actually trying to accomplish. Maybe you are being unrealistic in what you are wanting to accomplish. Or maybe you are thinking something needs to be a certain way when maybe it really doesn't.
This all leads up to my story with Anna and wanting her to be quiet/no talking/no singing at night time. It was becoming a big battle between us. In a previous post I commented how we were now going to swat when we had told Anna to be quiet for bedtime. We planned to stop giving her warning after warning after warning, that first time it would be a swat. I knew she knew what it meant to be quiet and still and she knew the expectations of me wanting her to be quiet. But for at least two weeks, things were not getting better. It got to the point that she would actually start talking right as I was walking out of her room. So she would get her swat (which honestly, I don't like swatting before naptime/bedtime...). Then like 30 seconds later she would start talking again. I didn't want to swat her every time she talked, but we did tell her not to talk so since she was disobeying there had to be some consequence. So we then decided to close her door until she had self control and a happy heart, then we would open it. But again, as soon as the door was open, she would start talking or singing. What was I to do? Our evenings were getting so stressful...then I talked to a friend about it and she said "why does she have to be quiet? maybe it's okay for her to talk quietly or sing quietly to herself?" Then I remember something I heard from Carla Link that some kids actually need that down time before falling asleep. They need to sing to themselves or talk to themselves, it's their way of relaxing. Ah the light bulb went off!
So for the last couple of days now, we have allowed Anna to talk quietly or sing quietly to herself to help her relax and fall asleep. And I have to say, bedtime has been more enjoyable for us all! So, if at first your don't succeed, try, try again. If you still aren't succeeding...come up with a new plan!
I personally feel that some parents give up too quickly on training their children. "Oh, that just seems like too much work", or "I don't want to hear her crying/whining so I'll just keep giving her what she wants", or "it's just a phase, I'm sure they'll outgrow it soon"...I think it's important to come up with a plan on how you want to go about solving certain behavior your children are demonstrating and then actually stick with it for at least 2 weeks to see if any changes occur. (remember to be only working on 3 or 4 things at a time, though...) I say at least 2 weeks since depending on your child's temperament change can take awhile for one to get adjusted to. Remember, too, that it does take 21 days to form a new habit and isn't that what you are trying to do with your children in some cases, form new habits?
So what happens after the 2 weeks and you aren't seeing any difference or worse, the behavior has actually gone in the opposite way you were wanting it to go. My first suggestion is to really pray about things to see maybe your approach is wrong or that maybe you should be focusing on it in a completely different way. Second, talk to a close friend that shares the same parenting philosophy as you do. Sometimes when you are in the middle of the issue, you are so close to the problem that you may actually be missing something completely obvious. Third, don't be legalistic or stubborn and say "well this is what I started out to do and under no circumstances am I going change my plans". And finally, think about what you're actually trying to accomplish. Maybe you are being unrealistic in what you are wanting to accomplish. Or maybe you are thinking something needs to be a certain way when maybe it really doesn't.
This all leads up to my story with Anna and wanting her to be quiet/no talking/no singing at night time. It was becoming a big battle between us. In a previous post I commented how we were now going to swat when we had told Anna to be quiet for bedtime. We planned to stop giving her warning after warning after warning, that first time it would be a swat. I knew she knew what it meant to be quiet and still and she knew the expectations of me wanting her to be quiet. But for at least two weeks, things were not getting better. It got to the point that she would actually start talking right as I was walking out of her room. So she would get her swat (which honestly, I don't like swatting before naptime/bedtime...). Then like 30 seconds later she would start talking again. I didn't want to swat her every time she talked, but we did tell her not to talk so since she was disobeying there had to be some consequence. So we then decided to close her door until she had self control and a happy heart, then we would open it. But again, as soon as the door was open, she would start talking or singing. What was I to do? Our evenings were getting so stressful...then I talked to a friend about it and she said "why does she have to be quiet? maybe it's okay for her to talk quietly or sing quietly to herself?" Then I remember something I heard from Carla Link that some kids actually need that down time before falling asleep. They need to sing to themselves or talk to themselves, it's their way of relaxing. Ah the light bulb went off!
So for the last couple of days now, we have allowed Anna to talk quietly or sing quietly to herself to help her relax and fall asleep. And I have to say, bedtime has been more enjoyable for us all! So, if at first your don't succeed, try, try again. If you still aren't succeeding...come up with a new plan!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
THE THREE R'S OF LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
Logical consequences are respectful, relevant, and realistic.
Respectful:
Respect is conveyed through words and nonverbal gestures.
* Use a normal tone of voice. Avoid sarcasm
* Speak directly and quietly to the student. Whenever possible, avoid calling across a room or raising your voice.
* Focus on the deed and not on the doer. Convey the message that it is the behavior you object to, not the student.
* Be clear and firm and don't negotiate.
"You need to leave the circle now," gives a precise direction. "You were talking and jabbing your pencil, etc. etc. etc" gives too much information, and opens the teacher up to argument: "I was not…He was too.."
Relevant:
A consequence needs to be logically related to the students' actions.
* It helps children see a cause and effect. (For example, when you talk, your work doesn't get done.)
* It references the rules. ("What do our rules say about name-calling?")
* It focuses on the specific problems created when rules are broken. ("When you tell me you're going to the bathroom and instead you fool around in the hall, what happens to our trust?")
* It focuses on individual responsibility and accountability for helping preserve a safe learning community. (A student ignores the signal for quiet and keeps on talking with a neighbor. The teacher points out that the signal is a way to make sure everyone can receive directions quickly. It keeps everyone safe. Thus this student needs to see that his or her behavior is not responsible. The teacher implements a short time-out period for the student to recover controls and observe the limits. Later, the teacher perhaps will arrange a practice time so the student can return to the group and show by hid or her actions the "signal" procedures.)
Realistic:
A consequence should be something the teacher and student can follow through on.
* There is a reasonable follow-through action expected by the student. (A student who is not looking where he or she is going spills paint all over the floor. The student will help clean it up, but is not expected to mop the entire class, the hall, and the lunchroom as well.)
* There is a clear time frame that is appropriate to the developmental age of the student and the behaviors of the student. (A two-minute time out might or might not give a student time to recover controls. If the student returns to the group before he or she has truly regulated the behavior or while he or she is still pouting and angry, it is likely the misbehaviors will quickly resume.)
* Time frame makes sense -- it is not too long and thus harsh, or too short and thus ineffective. (A student sent on an errand gets caught playing with the water fountain in the hall. The student loses the privileges of running errands for a few days or the rest of the week -- depending on the behavior, prior experience, and so on -- but not for a month or forever!) Remember, children need on-going opportunities to learn from their mistakes, develop their self-controls, and regain trust.
* The teacher is prepared to follow-through and implement. (Told that homework that isn't handed in has to be made up after school or before school begins, teachers need to check the homework and reinforce expectations, as well as be realistic about their own time availability and parent communication. No empty threats!)
In sum, logical consequences applied with respect, relevancy, and realistic guidelines help children understand the consequences of their own choices and, hopefully, help them learn from their mistakes.
This was taken from http://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/columnists/charney/charney006.shtml -- a resource for teachers in the classroom.
Respectful:
Respect is conveyed through words and nonverbal gestures.
* Use a normal tone of voice. Avoid sarcasm
* Speak directly and quietly to the student. Whenever possible, avoid calling across a room or raising your voice.
* Focus on the deed and not on the doer. Convey the message that it is the behavior you object to, not the student.
* Be clear and firm and don't negotiate.
"You need to leave the circle now," gives a precise direction. "You were talking and jabbing your pencil, etc. etc. etc" gives too much information, and opens the teacher up to argument: "I was not…He was too.."
Relevant:
A consequence needs to be logically related to the students' actions.
* It helps children see a cause and effect. (For example, when you talk, your work doesn't get done.)
* It references the rules. ("What do our rules say about name-calling?")
* It focuses on the specific problems created when rules are broken. ("When you tell me you're going to the bathroom and instead you fool around in the hall, what happens to our trust?")
* It focuses on individual responsibility and accountability for helping preserve a safe learning community. (A student ignores the signal for quiet and keeps on talking with a neighbor. The teacher points out that the signal is a way to make sure everyone can receive directions quickly. It keeps everyone safe. Thus this student needs to see that his or her behavior is not responsible. The teacher implements a short time-out period for the student to recover controls and observe the limits. Later, the teacher perhaps will arrange a practice time so the student can return to the group and show by hid or her actions the "signal" procedures.)
Realistic:
A consequence should be something the teacher and student can follow through on.
* There is a reasonable follow-through action expected by the student. (A student who is not looking where he or she is going spills paint all over the floor. The student will help clean it up, but is not expected to mop the entire class, the hall, and the lunchroom as well.)
* There is a clear time frame that is appropriate to the developmental age of the student and the behaviors of the student. (A two-minute time out might or might not give a student time to recover controls. If the student returns to the group before he or she has truly regulated the behavior or while he or she is still pouting and angry, it is likely the misbehaviors will quickly resume.)
* Time frame makes sense -- it is not too long and thus harsh, or too short and thus ineffective. (A student sent on an errand gets caught playing with the water fountain in the hall. The student loses the privileges of running errands for a few days or the rest of the week -- depending on the behavior, prior experience, and so on -- but not for a month or forever!) Remember, children need on-going opportunities to learn from their mistakes, develop their self-controls, and regain trust.
* The teacher is prepared to follow-through and implement. (Told that homework that isn't handed in has to be made up after school or before school begins, teachers need to check the homework and reinforce expectations, as well as be realistic about their own time availability and parent communication. No empty threats!)
In sum, logical consequences applied with respect, relevancy, and realistic guidelines help children understand the consequences of their own choices and, hopefully, help them learn from their mistakes.
This was taken from http://www.educationworld.com/a_curr/columnists/charney/charney006.shtml -- a resource for teachers in the classroom.
Go to your room...(that includes you mom!)
I typically put a show on for the kids while I go upstairs to take my shower. I leave the bathroom door open so for the most part I can hear what is going on while I shower. Yesterday, I came downstairs after my shower to see and hear the kids quickly running out of the kitchen, jumping on the sofa, and quietly giggling. I knew they were up to something. As I came around the corner, their little checks were filled with something. I asked Owen what was in his mouth and before he could answer, Anna said in a giddy excited voice "chocolate!" While in my shower the kids had moved one of the dining room chairs into the kitchen and helped themselves to the Hershey Kisses that were sitting on the kitchen counter (they did manage to grab some grapes as well!). Anyway, needless to say, I was a bit frustrated since they know when I'm taking my shower they are suppose to be either playing nicely or watching their show. They aren't to be in Mommy's kitchen without first asking me. So what was I to do? I took a deep breath and told Owen in a calm and controlled voice to go to his room. (Back to my previous post, we need to show our kids self control and even though I wanted to yell and scream that yet once again they've managed to do something I've told them not to do...we need to be the example. Also, remind me to tell you the analogy about the traffic cop if you haven't already heard it!) Anyway, Owen went straight to his room without complaining or whining and sat on his red stool by the door waiting for me to come talk to him. Anna went to her room as well. So what was I going to do? In my opinion the best consequence was a logical consequence so I went into Owen's room and we talked about why Mommy sent him to his room. I told him that because he did something that he shouldn't have done - pushing the dining room chair into the kitchen to get chocolates off the counter - that he would not be getting any treats today (I'll write more about this later when I talk about picky eaters and why this was a logical consequence...). To me this was the best logical consequence that I could think of that was tied to what just happened. Here are some thoughts to consider when it comes to logical consequences:
* A logical consequence is a way for a parent to "redirect a child's thinking and behavior, which is logically associated with the offense" (GKGW).
* To help you remember, there are three R's to logical consequences: Respectful, Relevant, and Realistic. See my next post on more details from a website I found regarding the three R's of logical consequences.
* You don't have to tell your child right away what the logical consequence is, but it should be determined while the child is sitting in a reflective time out. In other words, if you need time to think of an appropriate logical consequence, it's okay to tell your child to go sit in his room (this is not play time!) while you determine what the logical consequence will be (yes, you can go to your room too to think about it and pray for guidance!) This allowed me some time to cool down and to think clearly and then I was able to calmly go talk to Owen about his choices he had made and the consequences for those choices.
* Once you lay out a logical consequence, by all means, make sure you follow through with it! If not, then your kids will quickly realize that you don't mean what you say. Don't give in no matter how much whining and complaining and begging your child tries on you to get back whatever logical consequence you are enforcing. In those situations it's best to have your child go sit on his/her bed (or wherever your time out area is) until they are ready to have a happy heart - in other words that they are ready to stop complaining, whining or begging you.
How have you seen logical consequences work in your home? Do you have some issues that have come up that you need help determining logical consequence for? Maybe we'd be able to help!
* A logical consequence is a way for a parent to "redirect a child's thinking and behavior, which is logically associated with the offense" (GKGW).
* To help you remember, there are three R's to logical consequences: Respectful, Relevant, and Realistic. See my next post on more details from a website I found regarding the three R's of logical consequences.
* You don't have to tell your child right away what the logical consequence is, but it should be determined while the child is sitting in a reflective time out. In other words, if you need time to think of an appropriate logical consequence, it's okay to tell your child to go sit in his room (this is not play time!) while you determine what the logical consequence will be (yes, you can go to your room too to think about it and pray for guidance!) This allowed me some time to cool down and to think clearly and then I was able to calmly go talk to Owen about his choices he had made and the consequences for those choices.
* Once you lay out a logical consequence, by all means, make sure you follow through with it! If not, then your kids will quickly realize that you don't mean what you say. Don't give in no matter how much whining and complaining and begging your child tries on you to get back whatever logical consequence you are enforcing. In those situations it's best to have your child go sit on his/her bed (or wherever your time out area is) until they are ready to have a happy heart - in other words that they are ready to stop complaining, whining or begging you.
How have you seen logical consequences work in your home? Do you have some issues that have come up that you need help determining logical consequence for? Maybe we'd be able to help!
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