Wednesday, March 30, 2011

How to Have Non Conflict Training in Your Home

I often hear moms say "I struggle with how to do non-conflict training...I just don't know what to do or how to do it." Are you one of these moms? Well, not to fear -- hopefully this post will help give you some encouragement and send you on your way to do non conflict training in your own home, too!

The most easy and basic way to do non-conflict training is to look at the negative behaviors you see in your children and just teach them the correct way they need to be acting. And what a fun and easy way to teach them is by role playing! For example, I had a friend say she was struggling with self control with her two year old and how he would not sit still and wait his turn in Sabbath School. A great non conflict training time could be to role play Sabbath School at home. I suggested she set up some of his toy animals and have them do things in "Sabbath School" while her son waited his turn all the while talking to him about how it's important to wait our turn and what waiting our turn looks like in Sabbath School. I also suggested she teach and show her son what sitting still and waiting turns doesn't look like -- this way her son knows what is expected and what is not expected. (She did report back that he did so much better that week in Sabbath School sitting still and waiting his turn.)

My kids love role playing the way they are suppose to act and even more so the way they aren't suppose to act! ;-) We actually have a lot of fun with this! And yes, non conflict training should be FUN!!! My kids actually ask me if it's time for "training time" -- they enjoy it that much! It's great that role playing helps me truly see that my kids know the right way they are suppose to be acting and that they know the wrong way. Then there are no questions of "did they really know what I was expecting" when it comes to consequences for wrong behavior.

Another way to do non-conflict training is to just practice the expected behavior."Practice makes perfect" -- I'm sure all of you have heard this saying before and it is so true. Practice does make perfect. So what do I mean by practice? Well, does you child have a hard time folding their hands and getting self control when you tell them to do so? Well, have you ever practiced it? Does your child have a difficult time sitting still during worship or story time? Have you ever practiced it? Some of our training times have included just practicing certain behaviors. Things like sitting still and quiet, folding of hands, we've even just practiced walking vs running, talking quietly vs loudly, being kind vs being mean, sharing vs snatching, gentle vs rough.. Basically we just practice and talk about the virtue and what it looks like and we talk about what the opposing vice looks like. Again, this helps me know that my kids understand the meaning and expectation of a particular virtue.

One last way we have implemented non conflict training time in our house is through books and videos. I like looking for story books that tell stories on the behaviors we are working on -- one of our favorite stories right now is "Andrew's Angry Words". And guess what moms - if you can't find a particular book on the behavior you are working on you could always tell your own story with a book you already own! There is no rule saying you must read every word in a story book! But I have found several great story books out there with a simple google search on the internet. And never forgot the power of the stories already given to us in the Bible that teach many of the virtues we want our children to be learning. Also, there have been several videos that we have found that teach the virtues we are working on - Veggie Tales, Auto B Good, Character Builders, to name a few series.

Finally, I find it important to always share what the Bible has to say about the particular behavior we are working on. I read somewhere, like how using a timer keeps children from arguing with you as much when the time is off, that the same thing happens when you show them what God says about a particular behavior. If you just tell your kids, "hey, mommy wants you to be kind to your friends" they may challenge you on why they need to be kind. But if you say "hey kids, let's see what God tells us about being kind in the Bible" it's a bit harder to challenge the true Authority!

I hope this has given you some simple and easy ideas on implementing non conflict training in your home! It truly is a wonderful blessing and it really doesn't need to take too long to do. In some cases, our training time is only 5 or 10 minutes. And never underestimate God's wisdom He promises to give each and everyone of us! All we have to do is pray and ask for His wisdom and guidance for ours and our children's lives and He will help us see how to train our children in the ways they should go!

So here is a brief summary for non conflict training time:

T each your child the right way to behave
R ole play
A lways practice
I nstruct with what the Bible says
N ever forget to bring it to the Lord in prayer

Keep it simple and have FUN!

1 comment:

  1. Love your blog! Hope you post again soon!